06/16/2023
By Kate Stone Lombardi
When I had my first baby, my husband took the morning off. I had a scheduled caesarian section, and he was not permitted in the operating room. But while they sewed me up, the nurse carried our newborn daughter into the room where my husband was waiting, and placed her in his arms. At least he got to meet her right away. Then he went back to work.
My son-in-law got three months of paternity leave when my granddaughter was born. He was there through the delivery, and was involved in baby care since day one.
Holding my granddaughter for the first time evoked a rush of unimaginable love. Watching my husband hold this tiny human brought up a set of more confused feelings. Of course he got teary-eyed as soon as soon as he held her. Seeing him cradle her filled me with tenderness.
Like me, my daughter ended up with a c-section. She was sore and exhausted, nursing day and night. No one could help her with that. But she did have her husband, her mom and her dad around, to spell her with the baby, cook, clean, and do laundry. It made me wistful. To be clear, I was not jealous – I was thrilled that she had support. But it made me think about what had been missed.
While I could have used the help back then, I think the one who really missed out was my husband. Of course there was no such thing as paternity leave back in 1985, any more than there was any discussion of “work/life balance.”
My husband was worked long hours, with a long commute, and high expectations. He didn’t have the luxury of cuddling our daughter much, and often got home after she was in her crib. Eventually, I went back to work myself, but it was part-time and I never felt shortchanged on time with daughter, or later, with my son.
Last night, we had dinner with our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter. Now a toddler, the little one adores her granddad, and breaks out into a huge smile when she spots him. She can say something approximating “granddad.” And, oh, how he enjoys that little girl.
As we were driving home, he talked a little about how happy he is that he now has the time to enjoy her babyhood. I’ve heard this from other grandfathers in our generation. I’m thinking in a way, it’s kind of a big do-over for Baby Boomer dads who rarely got this opportunity.
I think I feel an article coming on…..