05/03/2023
By Kate Stone Lombardi
Please, please, please – can we retire the word “toxic” from our daily vocabulary? Toxic people, toxic relationships, toxic workplaces. How many articles have been published along the lines of “10 Ways to Realize You Are in a Toxic Relationship” or “Five Traits of Toxic People!” ENOUGH ALREADY!
Frankly, I believe the only people who can accurately be described as “toxic” are those that have inadvertently consumed pesticides or been exposed to radiation.
Yet the “toxic” label is slapped onto people and situations that are…well, what, exactly? The term covers the gamut of objectionable behavior. “Toxic” people are negative, mean, harsh, narcissistic, critical, and judgmental. Toxic places make you feel uncomfortable, anxious or unhappy.
The only way to deal with such toxic people and situations is cut them out of your life, in the name of your own mental health. It’s seen as a brave thing to do.
Never mind that those who have been consigned to the hazardous waste dump may have no idea why they’ve been dismissed from your life. Nor do they have an opportunity to understand or change, let alone apologize, because they’ve been blocked from communication.
Trust me, I have difficult people in my life who wear me down and make me feel bad. I’m guessing that there have also been times in my life that I’ve worn someone else out with my demands, hurt their feelings with my comments, and generally been someone others don’t want to be around.
But there is not a sub-category of human beings who are toxic. There are people who are very bad at dealing with feelings of anger, fear, and inadequacy. Some far worse than others. There are also people who are bad at confrontation, stating their needs, maintaining boundaries and finding compromise.
Let’s stop with the labels and try to find a little compassion on all sides.
Because dismissing someone as “toxic” is…well, toxic behavior.