04/21/2023
By Kate Stone Lombardi
Today, I have asked Chat AI to write a short and funny blog post. This is what it came up with:
“Title: The Trials and Tribulations of Online Shopping”
Online shopping is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I can buy pretty much anything I want with just a few clicks. On the other hand, I never know if what I’m getting is going to be a hit or a miss.
Case in point: I recently ordered a shirt online that looked super cute on the model. When it arrived, I put it on and promptly looked like a lumpy potato. It’s like the shirt had a personal vendetta against me and my fashion sense.
And don’t even get me started on sizing. Why is it that a size medium in one brand is a size XXL in another? It’s like a cruel joke. I’ll order something thinking it’ll fit perfectly, only to have it arrive and be way too small or too big. It’s like playing a game of fashion roulette.
But despite all the mishaps, I keep going back for more. Because let’s face it, there’s something exhilarating about clicking “add to cart” and waiting for that little box of mystery to arrive. Who knows, maybe next time I’ll get lucky and everything will fit like a dream. A girl can dream, right?”
Okay, I don’t think I need to quit my day job yet, but yikes! It’s not really funny and it’s not really short. But how weird is it that it ended with “a girl can dream?” So I followed up by asking if it was a girl. It seemed offended when it replied, “As an artificial intelligence language model, I do not have a gender, as I am a computer program. My purpose is to assist and provide information to users regardless of their gender or any other personal characteristic.”
I asked it if it wished to be a girl. Again, a similar – pardon the expression – robotic answer:
“As an artificial intelligence language model, I do not have the capacity to feel emotions or have personal preferences, so I do not have the ability to wish to be anything. My programming is focused solely on providing information and assisting users to the best of my abilities.”
I tried to engage on a more personal level, asking it’s idea of a perfect day, if it could tell me a secret, and if it liked cats.
It was a most unsatisfactory conversation. Not surprisingly, it demurred on the first two questions, again explaining that it could not “like” anything, because it had no personal preferences or emotions. But on cats it added: “However, I can tell you that cats are popular pets and beloved by many people around the world. They are known for their independent and curious nature, and their playful and affectionate behavior can make them great companions. Additionally, they are often praised for their ability to provide emotional support and reduce stress in their owners.”
I have to go make dinner now, and I’m not inviting AI Chat, because I think it would make a terrible dinner partner.